[Bishop's Fantasy?]
This is MY story and I'm sticking to it!Sucking Big Giant Rocks
2007-09-30
I'm experiencing serious aggression right now. I want to beat the hell out of something or someone. I quit smoking a couple of days ago and the withdrawal symptoms should be easing, but I'm not feeling it right now. Perhaps because there's so much other tension going on in my life. Perhaps it's because nobody is walking on eggshells around me because nobody around me even knew how much I smoked or how long I've been smoking. That's right, I've had to hide it like some kind of f*cking criminal. I don't think smoking is a good thing or that any kid should grow up thinking it's cool, fun, or desirable. People do it, nonetheless. I've sheltered my kids from my habit. I've never intentionally smoked in front of them, though I think my son has caught me doing it at least a couple of times. I don't smoke in the house, in my car (usually), or around small children if I can help it. I don't smoke in daylight where my kids can see me. How's that for being in the closet on something?? So, I've gone to great lengths to hide my addiction. The Bishop knew I smoked and encouraged me to quit for awhile. I wanted to quit because I wanted him to want me. I wanted to drive him to distraction and impeccable personal hygeine goes a long way towards that sort of endeavor. He smelled divine and I wanted him to think that about me.
None of this has anything to do with anything else, except that I'm pissed off. I'm pissed off that the instructions on the recipe I used to make dinner wer flawed. I'm pissed off that I don't want to smoke, but I don't want to quit either. I'm pissed off that I can't just make major life changes on a whim. I'm pissed off that I'm sexually frustrated. I'm pissed off at the world and at myself. I know it'll pass, but it doesn't help a whole lot when I'm beating the crap out of my fingertips and my keyboard because it's the only outlet I have for my current aggression.
Mary Mary Quite Contrary (2007-10-01)
Hang in there girl!
It might not feel like it today, but you're doing great!
And hey, It's ok to be pissed sometimes! ;)
bxgladiator (2007-09-30)
* walks into post * ......... * walks outta post * lol.
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