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It's Not My Birthday

2007-09-18

Happy Birthday Bishop.  I still think about you.  I still care about you.  I still love you.  Part of me always will.  It's been the strangest (and hardest) year.  A year ago today, I had an appointment with you in your office.  You were stressing about being a whole year older.  You were as baffled as anyone else at how your age didn't seem to match up with the image you had of yourself.  I wanted to communicate to you that I didn't think the number mattered nearly as much as the man.  We hugged at the end of the appointment, like always.  While you had your arms around me, I whispered in your ear, "You're not a whole year older - only a single day."  My lips brushed against your ear and my hands were positioned so that my fingers were touching the nape of your neck right at the hairline.  I wanted so badly to ask your permission to give you a birthday kiss.  

I chickened out of kissing you on your birthday, but it was only a couple of weeks before our relationship changed.  I still remember your kisses.  How your arms felt around me, looking into your eyes, the way you smell.  I remember your laugh and the way your eyes would crinkle when you were teasing me.  Today, I'll be sitting in a different counselor's office.  I'm sure we'll be talking about you.  I wonder what you'll be thinking about today. 

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