[Bishop's Fantasy?]
This is MY story and I'm sticking to it!Forgiveness
2007-07-23
The peace that passes understanding comes, in part, from choosing to forgive. It is a choice and one that doesn't necessarily need to be shared with the person you're extending it to. Whatever wrongs I think I've suffered at the hands of others do me no good to hold on to. That goes for the Bishop and for my husband. Even if they continue. I'm still the one left carrying the burden of forgiveness. Despite all of the things I've been told recently, in my own effort to understand what's happened, it's actually easier to forgive the Bishop. Yes, he crossed a line he shouldn't have, but in doing so, I can't forget that he was very good to me. It may not seem like much, but he was kind to me. In all that's happened since, he's been kind. I know that the part I played in the situation was wrong and I've been forgiven by God, if not my husband. How can I do any less for the person who made the choices right alongside me?
Now, for my husband. He hasn't been particularly kind to me - either before the affair happened or in the time since. He has so far chosen to stick with me, for better or for worse. A lot of it has been worse. I don't know how to reconcile any of it. I can't choose how he behaves, but I do know that I can be kind. I can be patient and gentle. I can let go of the wrongs. I can choose to believe good things and choose to have hope. People don't change on their own, especially if they think nothing is wrong. I can't look at myself and think everything is just peachy keen, but I don't have to beat myself either. I can only look at each day as a new opportunity to learn something better and try to put it into practice.
I was listening to a song on the way back from Starbucks that served as a lovely reminder. I don't have to understand everything. I don't have to know that it's all going to work out perfectly. I read books that sometimes end badly. I don't necessarily like the unhappy endings, but it doesn't stop me from picking up a new book and believing it will be good. Maybe that's the way I should start each day - as though I'm opening a new book - not sure what it will be like or if it's worth reading, but I won't know unless I start it. I'm sure this is a subject I'll have to keep coming back to, but at least I'll have reference points along the way.
Let It Go - Newsboys
you are waiting on a beach
for a healing word to come
maybe an apology in a bottle
maybe a flare that says, "I'm sorry."
and the hurting leaves you numb
will you forgive?
will you forget?
will you live what you know?
He left his rights
will you leave yours?
you don't understand it
let it go
you are waiting on a beach
this is where the east meets west
and as another sun sets on your anger
the darkness laughs, as your wound destroys
and it turns your prayers to noise
will you forgive?
will you forget?
will you live what you know?
He left his rights
will you leave yours?
you won't understand it
let it go
this bitterness you hide
it seeps into your soul
and it steals your joy
'til it's all you know
let it go
will you forgive?
will you forget?
will you live what you know?
He left his rights
will you leave yours?
you won't understand it
let it go
will you forgive?
will you forget?
will you live what you know?
beneath the cross
you hear His words,
"Father, forgive them,"
and you know
you can't understand it
let it go
Mary Mary Quite Contrary (2007-07-23)
Which album is this on?
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