[Bishop's Fantasy?]
This is MY story and I'm sticking to it!Nausea
2007-05-27
It's all happening so fast. Part of me feels like none of this could possibly be real, so I'm taking it all in stride. The rest of me feels like I can't imagine a life that's different than the one I have. I can't mentally place myself in a different city, a different residence, a different everything. The tears started almost as soon as I walked through the door of the church this morning. Someone came up to me and told me they'll miss me and I lost it. I took tissues into the sanctuary with me because I knew I'd need them. I haven't really even had time to process any of this. I sat in there with tears streaming down my face while the pastor announced it would be our last Sunday there. I thought about all of the changes I've seen. 3 pastors and 2 interims in the past 9 years.
I thought about our first pastor there. He was kind and jovial and an all-around good guy. His wife started the Upward Basketball program at our church - something I never would've imagined myself participating in, but I ended up being a referee. I had so much fun with it - especially this past year. He's the one who dedicated our daughter after she was born. It was one of the last Sundays he pastored there before moving on to work in Minnesota. His were difficult shoes for our church to fill. We had an interim for awhile before the next guy came in. I felt so sorry for him because our church was like a powder keg getting ready to explode. I don't know all of the details, but the church ended up splitting just before he left. I'm glad I never found out those details because I love the people who left and I don't want to feel bad that they're worshipping somewhere else.
After the second pastor left, we got another interim. I remember a sermon he preached using a Burger King cup as a prop. He started reading what was printed on the cup and it sounded so absurd because it was all about "having it your way". He was asked to stay on as our full-time senior pastor, but declined due to his other job. I wonder how things might've been different if he's taken the position. Guess it wasn't what God had in mind. Not that I'm complaining. I really like our current pastor. He's been there just under 2 years, but it seems like longer. He and I have the same kind of sarcastic sense of humour so it's fun to trade quips. His wife is rather unusual - she seems scattered, but there's an unexpected depth to her. I've spent quite a bit of time with her lately and it's been really good for me. She tells the truth with compassion and kindness. She's fully aware of what's been going on and has been one of the few who hasn't tried to talk me out of how I feel. She just tells me that I need to get right with God and stay right with God. We have more in common than I would've thought when I first met her. I'm going to miss them both so much.
I'm glad this was a holiday weekend and that lots of people are out of town. It was hard enough to deal with the goodbyes this morning. My stomach is all knotted up and my head hurts. My heart is so broken right now. I have tomorrow to tie up loose ends before the movers come to pack up the house on Tuesday. They'll load Wednesday and that'll be it. I know it's not the end. I know I'll come back to visit, but it won't be the same. I'm trying not to think about the future at all. I have no vision for it at all. Maybe that's a good thing. I don't know. I'm just tired and sad and so very lonely tonight.
piper (2007-05-28)
You are moving to a town that has much more to offer than here..with you personality, you can't help but make new (and maybe better) friends...in a year you'll look back and wonder why you made such a fuss!
Doe (2007-05-28)
Oh honey, I'm sorry this is all so hard for you.
I'm hoping you'll grow to love the new place just as much if not more.
You remain in my prayers.
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