[Bishop's Fantasy?]
This is MY story and I'm sticking to it!Losing It
2007-05-22
3 nights in a row I've dreamt the most vivid and heart wrenching dreams about the Bishop. The first time, I could just shake it off. I've been through it before - having to come up from the fog of a dream to face a reality has gone on its merry way and left me behind. Those first few minutes of reorientation to the real world are hideous. The pain comes right back in full force. It takes several hours for it to recede and I'm left feeling melancholy. What's the point of winning the thought war during the day, only to lose it in my sleep? And then to have to face that agony first thing in the morning. It does still hurt so much. I've been keeping busy and pushing the thoughts from my head or just trying not to think at all. Then I dream about him. I see his face clearly and hear his voice the way I want to. Sometimes we touch in the dreams. Then they dissipate as sleeping turns to waking and I'm reaching out with both arms trying to hold on, not caring that it's wrong. Oh God, it hurts and it hurts and it hurts. I miss him calling me "Bright Eyes". I miss his voice, his smile, his arms, his touch, the things he shared with me, the way he listened, the way he stared right back at me without being intimidated in the least. My heart feels like it's been through a cheese grater this morning. What a way to start a day that I didn't want to face to begin with.
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